A-Infos (en) U.S. Consulate Bombed

[Jonathan Oppenheim <jono@physics.ubc.ca>]

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     A - I N F O S  N E W S  S E R V I C E
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U.S. Consulate "Bombed" 

News Release
Thursday, February 12th

Vancouver - Early this morning, senior bureaucrats in the Ministry of
the Environment (MOE) "bombed" the U.S. Consulate and the nearby Canadian 
Forces Recruitment Center.  The bureaucrats used red spray paint to write 
cliches such as "No Blood for Oil" and "No Blood for Blowjobs" on the two 
neighbouring buildings.  They wielded their spray cans with pin-point accuracy
and skillfully avoided police and security.  The Ministry is outraged that the 
spineless Canadian Government is supporting the U.S. war against Iraq.

"How dare those sycophants, toadies, and hacks in the Canadian
Government suck up to Clinton.  I am ashamed that I have a Canadian
passport," said Ms. Red, a senior official in the Ministry.    

"Weapons of mass destruction, my ass," said Ms. Green, another senior 
official.  "If Bill Clinton is gonna repeat the phrase 'weapons of mass 
destruction' constantly, he should be doing it in reference to the United 
States."  The U.S. is the most aggressive country in recent history.  They 
have invaded Granada, Panama and Vietnam, bombed Libya and Hiroshima, tried
to invade Cuba, and through their support of various armies, carried out
wars against countries such as Nicaragua and Iran (to name just a few).  
Most of the weapons of mass destruction are produced by the U.S. arms industry. 

"This is all about oil prices and fellatio," said senior bureaucrat Mr. Puce, 
referring to the Monica Lewinski "scandal".  The U.S. needs a war to take 
people's minds of domestic policy, and to ensure that the oil embargo 
isn't lifted against Iraq.

"It's pathetic that the media is buying this crap," said Ms. Green.  "We have
obviously lost our appreciation for irony."  The world's biggest bully is 
threatening to kick the shit out of the Iraqi people after having already  
killed hundreds of thousands of them and making them eat dirt for the last few 
years.  And they claim they need to do it to stop aggression?? 

Officials in MOE usually spend their evenings altering billboards. 
For more information email wrench@tao.ca 

The U.S. Consulate is at 1095 W. Pender and the Canadian Forces Recruiting 
Center is at 1090 W. Pender

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